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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member Anicus24/Male/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
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Statistics 23 Deviations 195 Comments 4,727 Pageviews

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:iconkuzumm: :iconmadelynthebunny: :iconjeremyb796: :icondboy821: :icontohomoon: :iconi-keelz-chuu: :iconcommandertai: :icondarkzeroinside:
    I've been dealing with ridiculous mood swings for a few years now. I watch movies, and certain kinds of scenes make me tear up when I usually wouldn't. I'm frustrated over school and how poorly I'm performing. I contemplate packing a backpack with a few clothes, picking a direction, and just walking until I find a reason to exist. Phrases like, "I can't wait til the world ends", or "fuck everything" constantly ring in my mind like a perpetual alarm signifying that something is terribly wrong. I can't bring myself to socialize with women because I can't let go of the ideology that having no job, money, or stability disqualifies any worth that I may have as a companion to anyone. I'm lonely, but I don't feel normal when I'm around people. I have really happy mood phases where I'm extremely optimistic, I talk to new people first, and I try to not hate everything. During this time, which never lasts very long, I can write, produce music, draw things, practice gymnastics and martial arts, and feel pretty good about myself. But somewhere along the way I end up slipping back into the violence prone, and depressing state that has cost me so much up until now. I've been dealing with this since I was around 15 years old; I'm 24 now. I looked up symptoms for mental disorders and found that I may be some kind of Bi-Polar, but I'll never really know for sure because I can't afford to see anyone. I also think the military intentionally marked my paperwork to make the VA deny me any benefits.(I was separated administratively almost halfway through my contract.) I sometimes consider using drugs to feel better, but I've seen what they do to people, and I fear the consequences way more than never finding out for myself what they're like. I honestly don't know what to do.. and after sitting here for a minute, I don't even know why I'm even writing this. I think it's a vague insight into why I haven't followed through on what I said in my last entry. I said I'd upload something daily, and I haven't uploaded anything yet. I'd really like to contribute to this community, but I just can't right now. If I'm watching you, it's because your artwork, photographs, and writing are very appealing to me; I appreciate what you all do here. Anyway, that's all for now.



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DubuGomdori Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014
⦁    Care for a rose? Be careful you may get pricked. In the Game Of Thrones that could become your death. Hahaha thanks for the fave
 Dubugomdori TheReach Image03 Compilation by DubuGomdori
MadelynTheBunny Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
your style of art is nice! I like it :D

SourAcid Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the watch.
Very much appreciate it :D
GraphicDream Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fave on "Comparison with the real image" :)
AllGrayEverything Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch :)
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